Warranty for Vanacci

Lockstone carries a two-year warranty against defects in materials and workmanship from the original date of purchase when used correctly and in normal circumstances.

The warranty does not apply to damage caused by normal wear and tear, unreasonable use or neglect. Please refrain from using Lockstone as a flint and steel. Please don't put it in a remote control as a makeshift battery. Please do pretend it's a phial of super-serum stolen from a shady government lab and you're going to use it for good or evil. Your choice.

 The following events may occur whether you wear Lockstone or not: you can perceive wavelengths of the electromagnetic spectrum you could not before; VHS becomes the leading home media format; you get cast in a Broadway show; you remember those little red mites on bricks from when you were a child. They were everywhere, weren't they? I haven't seen one in years.